Three Thoughts on Talking with Your Kids

There are five conversations that every parent needs to have regularly.

The Family on Purpose process rests, even depends, on these conversations as a means of handing off your faith generationally. These conversations, or “Talks,”  begin with your spouse or significant other. Find a trusted friend or another parent if you're a single parent. Some of these conversations even include your kids, especially as they age. Teaching our children how to converse and participate in conversation helps them feel included. As a bonus, young people who can communicate well are rare in today’s culture and will find favor and opportunities that most others will not.

In the next post, we will unpack those five conversations every family needs. Until then, here are a few overarching thoughts on starting and sustaining these talks that transform.

First, think seasonally because on some days, weeks, or months, finding talk time will be easier than others. You’ll undoubtedly need to adjust for times of the year (ball season or tech week) and life stages (toddlers and teenagers). When having these conversations, don’t be legalistic, and do be creative. Two chairs in the outfield may have to work instead of sitting on the couch. Driving to and from rehearsal with take-out food may be your dinner table some evenings. Schedule with the current season in mind.

Next, think rhythmically because shallow consistency beats deep infrequency. If you need to, shoot for fewer shorter conversations that establish a pattern of dialogue and communication. Especially critical with your kids, a regular plan or cadence of short talks builds more influence than randomly placed, long conversations that usually only occur when things are going wrong or life feels off the rails. Shorter, intentional conversations on the good days make the more extended, emergency conversations on the bad days more meaningful.

Finally, think rationally because life is not written like this post, and your schedule will not go the way you planned. Bring a sober mind, patience, and grace to these conversations, setting aside expectations of perfection, especially if you are wading into a new stream of communication. It is irrational to think that your kids will participate or even pay attention at first. Don’t take it personally, and don’t give up; simply reset your expectations, try a different approach, and, as Nike says, do it – over and over again.

In the next post, we will unpack five regular conversations every family needs to have.